by: jannalabarriePosted on:

7 ways I manage the holiday blues when the holidays get too hectic

The holidays can be a joyous time, but let’s be real – it’s not all silver bells.

The season can actually be pretty stressful with all the new demands and expectations we have to deal with.

As working moms, we already deal with a fair amount of stress, but things can get a little too overwhelming when our to-do lists suddenly triple during the holidays.

Being busy during the holidays is pretty much a way of life for many moms, especially considering we are usually the de-facto planners and schedule-keepers for the household.

That can be a lot of work, and it’s normal to have some frustrations about it.

But when we start noticing that our minor, temporary frustrations are turning into persistent negative emotions that we can’t seem to shake, it may be a sign that we are experiencing the holiday blues or holiday depression.

What the holiday blues are and how to tell if we have them

Many working moms are dealing with burnout and high levels of depression at baseline, which means the added stress of the holiday season can end up tipping the scales too far.

The holiday blues are feelings of extra sadness, anxiousness, stress, or depression during the holiday season.

These feelings are temporary, usually lasting from about November until shortly after the new year, and while it’s a common mom problem, anyone can experience them – even kids. 

It can be a rather conflicting set of emotions.

We feel like we should be happy and joyous, yet we can’t ignore the glaringly obvious fact that we’re not.

Many people experience these emotions, especially moms who often bear most of the burden of holiday planning and executing.

Even when we’re not leading the charge, we feel obligated to get involved while still maintaining our usual responsibilities. 

This can easily lead to feelings of burnout, anxiety, and exhaustion. Some of the signs that we might be dealing with the holiday blues include: 

  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Feeling anxious or overwhelmed
  • Frustration and irritability
  • Feeling overly tired or fatigued
  • Changes in sleeping or eating habits
  • Feeling guilt or a sense of worthlessness

Causes of the holiday blues

While it’s true that the holidays can be a much busier time than the rest of the year, that’s not the only reason.

There are many reasons we might experience the holiday blues.

Increased demands and expectations

With all the increased demands, deadlines, and expectations that arise as the season approaches, it’s not surprising that many working moms feel increased stress and anxiety during this time.

As the demands keep piling up, we feel obligated to meet all of them.

There are suddenly more daycare and school events to keep track of, more work deadlines to meet, and more family activities to plan for.

As we rapidly shift our attention between different tasks and circumstances, our brains go into overdrive and we can easily end up feeling overwhelmed. 

More social gatherings

The anticipation of social gatherings can be stressful, especially if we dread talking about politics or diving into sensitive topics (which seems to be a holiday sport for some).

Anticipating the awkwardness of conversations about our parenting choices, personal lives, and political opinions can be enough to create extra stress.

Just thinking about the uncomfortable family dynamics and inevitable awkward scenarios gives me anxiety.

And it’s not just the unwanted small talk that’s bothersome – we might also feel pressured if we’re the ones hosting or if we have to sit through a long drive to get to a place that’s far away.

For introverted homebodies like myself, the dramatic increase in social interactions can leave me feeling emotionally drained and mentally exhausted. 

Financial concerns

Financial concerns can be a major source of stress during the holidays, especially with the increased strain we’ve all felt on our wallets lately.

Despite things being more expensive than ever, the pressure to spend remains the same – we want to buy the perfect gifts, have the most dazzling yard decorations on the block, and throw the best holiday parties.

Of course, we still have the usual expenses to manage – buying groceries, filling up the gas tank, and making those childcare payments on time.

After all that swiping on our cards, it can be stressful to see the drain on our bank accounts.  

Feeling a sense of loss or loneliness

For some of us, we might feel a sense of loss or loneliness during the holidays.

This is particularly true for those of us who have lost loved ones or can’t be with them for other reasons.

It can be a very difficult time for some, and can lead to feelings of depression during the holidays.

As we observe those around us celebrating with their friends and family, it can be hard not to think about the ones we are missing. 

Increased social pressure

Don’t get me started on the social expectations of working moms.

Social pressure during the holidays can be overwhelming – there is an expectation of what things should look like, how we should act, and what we should do.

We’re expected to put on a cheery demeanor regardless of how we feel.

When I’m already emotionally drained, the added pressure to put on a happy face can make me feel even worse.

Environmental changes

There is an actual environmental reason we feel the holiday blues during the holiday season, too.

There is naturally less sunlight at this time of year, which can lead to feelings of depression and sadness.

A condition known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD) presents with similar symptoms, but holiday blues are distinct from SAD.

Holiday blues are temporary and less intense, but SAD lasts longer – from late fall or early winter to spring or summer – and is generally more severe, even debilitating.

Diet changes

Changes in diet, excessive consumption of unhealthy foods, and drinking alcohol – which are all considered pretty normal behaviors during the holiday season – can actually trigger feelings of anxiety as we deviate from our normal routines.

In particular, alcohol may intensify negative emotions. 

Poor sleep

Lack of sleep is a big contributor to increased stress and anxiety at any time of year, but it tends to be more pronounced during the holiday season.

We often end up going to sleep later or getting up earlier – or both – just to have enough time in the day to finish everything. 

Feelings of regret or failure

Some of us may feel a sense of regret or failure as the year comes to an end.

We may be unreasonably hard on ourselves if we feel like we haven’t met certain milestones or accomplished goals we set for ourselves. 

Those feelings can lead to sadness and depression during the holidays.

7 ways I manage the holiday blues when the holidays get too hectic

It’s true that the holiday blues are temporary and not as severe as seasonal affective disorder, but that doesn’t mean we should just ignore these feelings.

There are many ways to make the holidays less stressful and keep excess stress at bay. 

1. Maintain consistency

It’s helpful to stick to my normal routine as much as I can.

Having a somewhat predictable routine keeps me grounded and gives me a sense of control over the day, which can offer a little comfort in the holiday chaos. 

It’s normal to have some changes to the norm during the holiday season, but drastic changes can be stressful on ourselves and our kids.

2. Prioritize wellbeing

Taking care of my wellbeing helps me manage the increased stress of the holidays.

I try to get adequate sleep, practice self-care when possible, and take care of my physical and emotional health.

Engaging in activities that promote relaxation and positivity, like meditation or gratitude practices, are helpful for managing the added anxiety that’s common during this time.

3. Consume in moderation

Eating and drinking in moderation, especially alcohol, helps me to avoid the guilt I feel when I overindulge during the holidays.

Guilt is a powerful emotion, and it can easily spiral into an attack on our self-worth. That’s the last thing we need when we’re already stressed out.

I know holiday parties can be a time for us to let loose for once, but a little moderation can save us from a lot of post-party guilt.

4. Set realistic expectations

Setting our expectations too high during the holidays can lead to major disappointment and letdown if we’re not able to meet them. 

Being realistic in what we plan to accomplish and keeping things simple can help us avoid that.

I try to set achievable time frames for the tasks on my to-do list, check my calendar to see what I can and can’t commit to before saying yes, set healthy boundaries on my time and energy, and and avoid adding unnecessary things to my plate just for the sake of appearances.

5. Make a budget

Setting a budget – and sticking with it as much as we can – helps us to avoid overspending (and financial stress) during the holidays.

I usually create a spreadsheet with our available finances and how much I’m willing to spend each holiday season.

Once I’ve made the budget, I regularly track how my spending so I know when I’m approaching my limit and don’t accidentally go overboard.  

6. Talk to friends and family

If I’m feeling down or overwhelmed during the holidays, I try my best to utilize social support and avoid isolating myself too much.

Sharing our feelings with other working moms, trusted friends, family members, or partners can help to lighten the emotional and mental load.

We can also consult a professional mental health provider or doctor if we’re not comfortable sharing our experiences with people we know.

7. Set boundaries

We should never feel the need to say “yes” to everyone else’s demands all the time – that’s a recipe for burnout.

We spend pretty much all year doing that anyway, so we could use a little break. If I can’t attend every party, do every errand, or buy everything off everyone’s wishlist, that’s okay.

It’s fine and healthy to acknowledge that our plate is full and to ask for someone else to take the lead for a while. 

The holidays can be a joyous time, but if we’re being honest, they can also be very stressful.

Increased demands, high expectations, changes in routines, and less opportunity for self-care – all while still juggling work and motherhood – are just some of the reasons that working moms have increased stress and anxiety during the holidays.

It’s not easy to manage, but there are some things we can do to help make things feel a little less overwhelming. 

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