Having a good work-life balance is a goal us working moms are constantly striving for. Yes, our careers are important to us, but so are our families, and we want to be able to succeed at both. A good work-life balance makes us feel better about our jobs, helps us to be more present with our families, and contributes to our overall happiness and life satisfaction.
Achieving good work-life balance is all about setting the right boundaries at work so that we have more time and energy for our families and ourselves. If our jobs are particularly demanding emotionally or physically, setting good boundaries is an essential step to obtaining better work-life balance. We only have so much emotional and physical energy in a day, and chances are we don’t want to spend it all at work.
Setting work boundaries can be difficult, especially when we’ve put so much into our careers and don’t want to do anything that might negatively affect us professionally. But these boundaries are crucial to our personal wellbeing, and they can actually motivate us to be better workers.
Why setting work boundaries is hard
It’s often difficult for working moms to find the right balance between work and family. However, constantly trying to meet all the expectations of both can make us feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Setting work boundaries can be a helpful tool to manage all of those demands while improving our mental and emotional well-being. Although it can feel awkward and uncomfortable to start setting boundaries at work, it’s important if we want to improve our work-life balance and prevent burnout. Here are some of the reasons it might be difficult:
We have perfectionist tendencies
Perfectionist tendencies can make it hard to set firm boundaries, especially if those tendencies apply to our jobs. We might be used to performing at a high standard and want to make sure that we get the job done right, or feel like ‘we are the only ones who can do this.’ Perfectionism can make us better at our jobs, but it could also cause us to stay at work late, work off the clock, and do things ourselves instead of delegating less essential tasks to others.
We have a fear of missing out (FOMO)
We might be afraid that if we set firm boundaries at work, we might miss out or get passed up when it comes to new career opportunities. I’m guilty of having real FOMO when it comes to work, especially if there’s an opportunity for self-growth or meeting new people. I want to attend all the seminars and participate in all the special projects. Saying yes to everything might provide more career opportunities, but it also means we do more work off the clock and have a harder time balancing work and family life.
We just started a new job
If we’ve recently started a new job, it might feel a bit uncomfortable trying to set work boundaries while we’re trying to get out of the new-girl phase. We might be reluctant to overstep or appear ‘difficult’ or ‘entitled’. It might feel awkward, but it’s healthy to establish some boundaries early and avoid setting expectations that we can’t maintain in the long run.
We want to prove ourselves
Another reason setting boundaries t work is hard might come from our desire to prove that we can be excellent moms and skilled career-women at the same time. We often feel the need to show that motherhood doesn’t affect our ability to perform highly at our jobs, particularly in male-dominated fields or executive roles. Unfortunately, that can end up leaving us feeling overwhelmed and burned out as we try to measure up at work while meeting the demands of motherhood.
The benefits of setting healthy work boundaries
Although it can be hard to establish boundaries at work, it’s necessary for our mental health. Setting appropriate and respectful boundaries is an important part of improving our occupational wellness, achieving healthy work-life balance, and promoting our overall wellbeing. Here are some of the ways we benefit:
It helps us achieve our personal goals
When we set boundaries at work, we create the space to pursue our own personal goals. The energy and time we would have put into work are now available to be used elsewhere – whether that’s parenting, a hobby or skill, or personal development. That extra 20 minutes we spend working off the clock every day may not seem like much, but add that up over the week and we’re looking at 100 minutes – that’s almost two hours. There’s probably quite a lot we could do with that time!
It makes us more productive
Here’s an argument our bosses are sure to love – having healthy boundaries can actually make us more productive at work by increasing focus and productivity. When we know we have a certain amount of time to get something done, we’re generally more attentive and motivated to finish it. And when we allow ourselves to have some separation from work, our brains aren’t worn down from being constantly “on,” meaning we can be more focused when we actually are at work.
It prevents burnout
Working mom burnout is a widespread problem – A staggering 49% of moms in mid- to high-income jobs and 32% of moms in lower income jobs reported feeling burned out at work based on data obtained in 2023. Those are not small numbers. We are clearly overwhelmed and feeling burnout at high rates. Boundary-setting at work can help prevent and manage burnout by contributing to a sense of control, improving our occupational wellbeing, and promoting more balance.
It makes us feel better about our jobs
Occupational wellbeing is an important component of overall wellness. It’s related to how we feel about our work, our professional purpose, and the satisfaction we get from our jobs. Setting boundaries makes us feel less stressed out and more satisfied professionally, which contributes to improved occupational wellness and a better sense of overall wellbeing.
It promotes a healthy work-life balance
When we set healthy work boundaries, we have more time and energy for ourselves and our families. That means we feel less stressed, less emotionally and physically exhausted, and less burned out. With good boundary-setting, I have more time for my personal life and can enjoy spending time with my family and doing the things I like to do.
Tips for setting boundaries at work
Prioritize what’s important
Before setting our boundaries, it’s important to prioritize what’s important to us. What are our goals right now?
When I first started working, I was all about my career. I was the person who said yes to every request and always volunteered first. After my son’s birth, my priorities understandable shifted more towards family life. When I went back to work after maternity leave, I tried to maintain the same level of commitment at work as I once did, but it was causing me serious burnout and stress. I had to make a choice for my own sanity, even though I knew it would mean less time on my career development.
Everyone’s goals are different. Some may want to focus more on self-care and well-being, some may want to focus on their hobbies, and some may want to focus on personal growth in a different area. Knowing what we want makes it much easier to figure out what kinds of boundaries we need to set and how to communicate them. Spending some time narrowing down our priorities and being honest with ourselves about what’s important to us is the first step.
Be respectful, firm, and consistent
Now that we’ve set our priorities and figured out what boundaries we need to set, it’s time to communicate them to our colleagues. This is probably the part that most of us struggle with, particularly when there are power dynamics involved or prior expectations that people already have. Never mind that. It’s okay if we’ve done something a hundred times before – situations change, and we can too.
It might help to classify the boundaries we set as soft or hard to determine how much wiggle room we want to give. Exceptions can be made for soft boundaries, but not for hard ones. It’s good to be mindful of our communication and try to maintain consistency. It might be awkward at first if our coworkers are used to things as they are, but pretty soon, the boundaries we’ve set will make space for a new normal.
Start small
It can be difficult to start suddenly saying no to things we used to do all the time. Starting small makes the process more manageable – instead of promptly leaving at the time we’re supposed to get off every day, we can start with leaving on time a few times a week or gradually shifting the time up by five minutes every day. Big changes are more difficult for us to make than small ones, so it may be easier for both ourselves and the people we work with if we start small.
Setting boundaries at work doesn’t mean saying no to everyone and everything. It just means *respectfully* taking control of our time, energy, and commitments. Here are some of the work boundaries I have set for myself that help me maintain a healthy work-life balance.
7 workplace boundaries I set that promote a healthy work-life balance
1. Only taking on one new project at a time
As much as I think I can handle it, I know that starting more than one new thing at a time will only lead me to the path of burnout. With any new work projects, I give myself at least 6 months to settle into a routine and get the hang of things before agreeing to start working on something else. If asked, I politely remind the askee that I don’t have the time I need to do a good job, but might be able to start working on it once I get comfortable with my current responsibilities.
2. Leaving when my shift is over
As bad as it sounds, I’m usually packed and ready to go a minute before my workday ends. There are, of course, times when I need to stay late at the office, but that’s definitely not the norm. Leaving work on time is huge in my book when it comes to work-life balance. The work will be there tomorrow. I find that leaving on time helps me to focus while I am actually working – since I know I’ll be leaving at a certain time, I’m motivated to finish my tasks during work hours.
3. Not responding to emails or work texts after hours
Unless there’s an actual emergency, I generally don’t respond to work communications outside of work. Doing so only opens the door for more, non-essential communication and sets up the expectation that I’m available 24/7 – which I most certainly am not. It’s essentially a way for me to keep work at work and personal life personal.
4. Skipping after-hour work events on a weekday
I’m all for hanging out with my coworkers occasionally outside of work, but when the hangout falls on a weekday after work that’s not a Friday, I’m most likely going to sit that one out. After waking up at the crack of dawn to get my son ready for daycare and working a full day, my emotional and physical energy levels aren’t high enough to get through 2 additional hours of coworker banter.
5. Completing work tasks only during my scheduled work hours
As a physical therapist, I have endless documentation to get through by the end of the day. But I never take my documentation home – I make sure that it’s done while I’m still at work. If it’s not, I tackle it the next day. I’ve lived the life of staying after hours to complete notes, and it was miserable. It also gave me an excuse to procrastinate. “I’ll do it later” was my common excuse for putting things off. Now that I have a fairly strict “no work after hours” boundary, I make sure I get my tasks done before I leave.
6. Using my time off when I want to and not feeling guilty about taking PTO
It took me a while to not feel guilty about taking PTO. When I take time off, that means my patients might not get seen, and that used to make me feel guilty. I had to change my perspective and understand that working for months on end without taking a break was doing more harm than good – to my family, myself, and my patients. Not taking breaks can lead us to emotional and mental burnout, and nothing good comes from that.
7. Not working during lunch breaks
If there was a group dedicated to banning meetings during lunch, I’d join in a heartbeat. Lunch is the one actual scheduled break in my workday, and I often use it to decompress and recharge my emotional battery – I might take a walk outside, listen to some calming music, or do a meditation in my car. Without that break, I feel like I’m running on fumes by the end of the day, so I make it a point to resist doing work at that time.
Setting boundaries at work might be hard, but it’s important for working moms to improve our wellbeing and achieve a healthy work-life balance. Worrying about the impact of setting those boundaries is understandable – we work hard to get where we are, and the thought of jeopardizing that hurts. But the stress and anxiety of trying to do and have it all at the same time hurts too. The boundaries we set can be small, but they will have big changes on our quality of life.