Parental burnout is a very real experience and a very big problem, with almost 65% of working parents reporting feeling burned out.
Among them, rates are unsurprisingly higher for working moms.
I can’t say I’m too surprised by that, being a working mother myself – oftentimes I feel spread way too thin.
Even though we know working moms are feeling burned out in large numbers and that’s not good for anyone, we don’t have a lot of support when it comes to preventing or managing it.
Until there is large-scale change to better support working moms, recognizing and dealing with burnout is an unfortunate reality for many of us.
When I was a new mom, I reached the point of burnout after about a year of juggling work and new motherhood.
My relationships suffered, I stopped caring about things I used to care about, and I just felt like I was repeat mode day after day.
I managed to pull myself out of it with a lot of self-care, meditation, and professional guidance. I also reflected a lot on how I got to that point and started taking steps to make sure I don’t end up back there.
Getting burned out happens to a lot of us, and it’s not difficulty to see why.
Causes of burnout among working moms
It’s no surprise that working moms are feeling burnout at such high rates.
We work long hours at our jobs and then go straight home to our second jobs.
Being a mom is an emotionally challenging, always on, 24/7 role. Being a professional working woman is no easier.
It’s a constant balancing act with high expectations on both ends. Here is a little more insight into the reasons working mothers feel so burned out.
Balancing work and family
Constantly juggling between work and family can lead to chronic stress and anxiety, which can ultimately cause us to feel burned out.
On the work side, the pressure to meet expectations can lead to time away from family and maternal guilt.
On the other hand, motherhood has its own set of demands that can sometimes come into conflict with work.
The constant balancing act and the feeling that we have to choose can leave us feeling emotionally drained and burned out.
Unrealistic social expectations
Outdated social expectations of working mothers continue to persist into modern times.
We’re expected to return to life after childbirth as if nothing has changed with little to no preparation.
We are praised for and encouraged to be selfless and cater to everyone’s needs without complaint, even if that means neglecting our own.
We are expected to manage work and family commitments with effortless grace, and look good while doing it.
There’s a lot of pressure on working mothers to be everything to everyone all the time.
Unsurprisingly, trying to meet those expectations leads to emotional, physical, and mental burnout.
Unequal division of labor
Although this does seem to be improving (at a painfully slow rate), moms continue to be the go-to parent when it comes to childcare, coordinating, planning, and household tasks.
The automatic assignment of these responsibilities to moms has significant consequences on our wellbeing and relationships.
It can foster resentment towards our partners, contribute to relationship conflict, affect our interactions with our children, and lead to emotional burnout.
Sleep deprivation
A good night’s rest undoubtedly makes us better at regulating our emotions and coping with stress.
On the other hand, not getting enough sleep makes us anxious, distracted, and more likely to experience depression and burnout.
That’s not great news for working moms of young toddlers or babies who wake frequently during the night, or for those of us who try to stay up later in an attempt to finish the day’s chores or engage in some much-needed personal time.
Lack of support in the workplace
In many work environments, working moms often have to deal with inflexible hours, unsupportive policies, and workplace discrimination.
Most of us have felt the sting of silent judgment from a colleague or manager if we had to leave work early or call off because of a family emergency.
Being in an unsupportive workplace can make it much more difficult to achieve a healthy work-life balance and may lead to burnout.
Financial strain
Finances can be a major contributing factor towards feelings of stress and burnout.
The incredible cost of childcare – the cost of sending my son to daycare is more than my current mortgage – combined with the effects of inflation on everyday purchases makes finances a significant concern for many of us.
I know I’m not the only one experiencing it; a majority of working mothers say that finances are a big source of stress.
It’s easy to understand why working moms are so burned out.
Between managing all these challenges, we often don’t have enough time to fit in personal or self-care activities.
Eventually, the pressure builds up and we’re left feeling overwhelmed, exhausted… and burned out.
Recognizing the early signs of burnout and finding ways to manage our emotional and mental health is crucial for improving our quality of life, professional and personal success, and overall happiness.
8 things that help me prevent working mom burnout
1. Knowing the signs
Knowing the signs of working mom burnout is an important step in dealing with it and preventing it from becoming a bigger problem.
It’s easy to shrug off our emotions as ‘usual mom stress’ without recognizing that they may be more than that.
Now that I’m on the other side of burnout, I can recognize the signs early and take steps to manage my emotional health before the rock starts rolling downhill.
Here are some of the things I pay attention to that might mean I’m starting to get burned out:
- Chronic fatigue going beyond “just feeling tired”
- Headaches, neck pain, and other body pains
- Reduced immunity, getting sick more often, and having a harder time recovering from illness
- Persistent irritability that lasts more than a few days
- Changes in my appetite or sleep
- Guilt for not being to do things ‘right’
- Feeling emotionally detached, like I’m just going through the motions
If I start feeling one or more of these things, I know it might be time to take a few steps back.
2. Taking micro-wellness moments
When we take care of our wellbeing, we are better at dealing with stress, navigating challenges, and managing our emotional and mental health – which means we are less likely to become burned out.
The problem is that most of us don’t have huge chunks of time at our disposal in the day for wellness-related or self-care activities.
I get around that by taking 5-10 minutes of micro-wellness breaks every few hours throughout the day, including while I’m at work.
I think of these breaks as little emotional recharges to keep my stress levels low and my ‘wellness battery’ high so that I don’t become overwhelmed and burned out.
Here are some of the ways I incorporate micro-wellness moments into my day:
- Practicing gratitude or mindfulness in the morning before I go to work
- Taking 5 minutes out of my lunch break to meditate, walk, or stretch
- Doing a few minutes of deep breathing every 2-3 hours
- Listening to a meditation while in the shower
- Taking 10 minutes at night to journal or self-reflect
3. Getting as much sleep as possible
Getting 7-9 hours of sleep every night is a bit unrealistic, especially since my toddler goes to sleep around 10pm on a normal night.
But sleep is such an important regulator of our emotions and stress levels that I try to prioritize it as much as I can.
I know how detrimental sleep deprivation is on my mental and physical health and wellbeing, and it can be a big contributing factor to burnout.
Even if I can’t get a full night’s sleep every night, I try to maximize the hours I do get. That means:
- Limiting phone scrolling and blue light exposure at night
- Practicing good sleep hygiene habits in the evening
- Doing nighttime meditation or mindfulness to fall asleep faster
- Setting a bedtime and sticking to it as many days out of the week as possible
- Trying sleep training when my toddler wouldn’t sleep through the night
- Communicating with my husband on alternating nights for overnight wake-ups
4. Getting help with daily tasks
If it’s one thing I’ve come to terms with, it’s that burnout is not a badge of honor – we don’t need to be able to do everything on our own to be good moms.
Delegating and outsourcing tasks can be immensely helpful, particularly if we are bearing the brunt of childcare and household responsibilities.
Whenever I have the opportunity, I ask for help with my daily tasks and outsource when I can.
Having even a little help can make a huge difference in my stress levels.
5. Setting boundaries and saying no
It’s pretty understandable that people who don’t share the same experiences we do have a harder time empathizing us.
People will ask us to do things that may seem reasonable to them, not really understanding the challenges we are going through.
That’s okay. It’s not in our control to make others understand. But here’s what we can control – our time, our space, and our energy.
Setting boundaries at work and with others in my circle is crucial for managing my emotional health and for preventing burnout.
Automatically declining social invitations that fall on a Sunday after 5pm might sound crazy to some people, but I do what I have to in order to keep my peace.
6. Connecting with other moms
There’s no one who can quite understand what we’re going through and validate our experiences like another working mom.
Having someone else to talk to about our challenges and hearing how they manage their own can give us perspective and comfort.
I work in an office with a lot of other moms with young kids, so it’s easy to find support and a listening ear. Social media groups also makes it easy to connect with other working moms.
7. Taking guilt-free time off
All moms are superhero’s, but we’re also human and need to take breaks once in a while.
About once a month or every other month, I take a couple days off work and send my son to daycare.
Say it with me – it’s okay to take a day off work and send our kids to school.
I think having those days every so often has actually made me a better mom.
While he is safe and having fun with his friends, I’m recharging and reflecting so that I can avoid getting burned out and continue to give my best to my family and my job.
8. Talking to a professional
Sometimes, we don’t feel comfortable attempting to deal with burnout on our own, or feel like it’s already just too much for us to handle by ourselves.
In that case, we should consider getting help from a professional or counselor.
My workplace offers accessible and free mental health resources for employees as part of a corporate wellness program.
I’ve used these resources a few times in my motherhood journey, and it always felt really good to have someone to talk to.
Connecting with a mental health professional doesn’t have to be a last resort – we can initiative a conversation anytime we are feeling stressed.
9. Losing the perfectionist mentality
Society expects perfection of moms, so naturally we might expect that of ourselves too.
But if there’s one thing that has really saved my sanity, it’s ditching the perfectionist mentality.
We are not meant to be perfect, and it’s perfectly normal that we aren’t. Once I accepted that, I felt like a weight was released off my shoulders.
I struggled so hard to be the perfect mom, perfect wife, and perfect colleague until it led to be becoming burned out.
Instead of trying to be perfect, I just try to do my best, whatever that might look like. My best will always be good enough.
Burnout is a pretty common experience among working moms, and it’s easy to see why.
There are pretty high expectations placed on us every day, leaving us stressed out and with little time and energy for ourselves. Over time, that can lead to burnout.
Recognizing when we are burned out and taking steps to prevent and manage it are key to our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
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