Are you a working mom and feel like you’re spreading yourself thin between work and home? Or like work is draining you and interfering with your happiness and well-being? If the answer is yes, you might need to consider setting some work boundaries.
It’s often difficult for working moms to find the right balance between work and family; as a result, we feel excess pressure and experience increased stress and anxiety trying to meet all the demands. Setting work boundaries can be helpful to deal with these emotions and improve our mental and emotional well-being. Although it can feel awkward and uncomfortable to start setting those boundaries at work, it’s important if we want to improve our work-life balance and prevent burnout.
Why setting work boundaries is hard
Setting boundaries at work is something that a lot of us struggle with, myself included. Saying no can be uncomfortable, particularly when many office cultures place so much value on being a “team player.” There are many reasons why saying no is so difficult at work. Some of those might be:
You have perfectionist tendencies
Perfectionist tendencies can make it hard to set firm boundaries, especially if those tendencies apply to your job. You’re used to performing at a high standard and want to make sure that you get the job done right. Perfectionism can make us better at our jobs, but it could also mean staying at work late, working off the clock, and doing things yourself instead of delegating tasks to others.
You have a fear of missing out (FOMO) on potential opportunities
We might be afraid that if we set boundaries at work, we might miss out on career opportunities. I’m guilty of having real FOMO when it comes to work opportunities, especially if there’s a chance for self-growth or meeting new people. I want to attend all the seminars and say yes to all the special projects. Although I’ve learned and grown a lot, saying yes to everything also means doing more work off the clock and makes it harder to balance work and family life.
You just started a new job
If you’ve recently started a new job, it might feel a bit uncomfortable trying to set work boundaries while you’re trying to get out of the new-girl phase. You might be reluctant to overstep or appear ‘difficult’ or ‘entitled’. It might feel awkward, but it’s healthy to establish some boundaries early and avoid setting expectations that you can’t maintain in the long run.
You want to prove yourself
Another reason saying no at work is hard for moms in particular is our desire to prove that we can be excellent moms and skilled career-women at the same time. We often feel the need to show that motherhood doesn’t affect our ability to perform highly at our jobs, particularly in male-dominated fields or executive roles. Unfortunately, that can end up leaving us feeling overstressed and burned out as we try to measure up at work while meeting the demands of motherhood.
Although it can be hard to say no and set boundaries at work, it’s necessary for our mental health and work-life balance.
The benefits of setting healthy work boundaries Â
Setting appropriate and respectful boundaries at work is an important part of improving occupational wellness, achieving healthy work-life balance, and promoting overall well-being. Here are some of the ways we benefit:
It helps us achieve our goals
When you set boundaries at work, you create the space to pursue your personal goals. The energy and time you would have put into work are now free to be used elsewhere. That extra 30 minutes you spend working off the clock every day may not seem like much, but add that up over the week and you’re looking at 150 minutes – that’s two and a half hours. There’s probably quite a lot you could do with that time!
It makes us more productive
Having healthy boundaries can make us more productive at work by increasing focus and reducing feelings of burnout. When you know you have a certain amount of time to get something done, you’re generally more attentive and more motivated to finish. And when you allow yourself to have some separation from work, your mind isn’t overwhelmed from being constantly “on” and you can be more focused when you actually are at work.
It prevents burnout
A staggering 49% of moms in mid- to high-income jobs and 32% of moms in lower income jobs reported feeling burned out at work based on data obtained in 2023. Boundary-setting at work contributes to a sense of control and occupational wellbeing, and is a key factor in preventing burnout. This is a significant problem across many fields and can have a big impact on our mental, physical, and emotional health.
It makes us feel better about our jobs
Occupational well-being is an important component of overall wellness. It’s related to how we feel about our work, our professional purpose, and the satisfaction we get from our jobs. Setting boundaries makes us feel less stressed out and more satisfied professionally, which contributes to improved occupational wellness and a better sense of overall well-being.
It promotes a healthy work-life balance
When we set healthy work boundaries, we have more time and energy for ourselves and your families. That means we feel less stressed, less emotionally and physically exhausted, less rushed, and less burned out.
How to set boundaries at work
1. Prioritize what’s important
Before setting your boundaries, it’s important to prioritize what’s important to you. What are your goals right now?
When I first started working, I was all about my career. I was the person who said yes to every request and always volunteered first. After my son’s birth, my priorities understandably shifted more towards family life. When I went back to work after maternity leave, I tried to maintain the same level of commitment at work as I once did, but it was causing me serious burnout and anxiety. I had to make a choice for my own sanity, even though I knew it would mean less time on my career development.
Your goals right now may be different. You may want to focus more on self-care and well-being, or personal growth in a different area. Knowing what you want makes it much easier to figure out what kinds of boundaries you need to set and how to communicate them. Spend some time narrowing down your priorities and be honest with yourself about what’s important to you.
2. Be respectful, firm, and consistent
Now that you’ve set your priorities and figured out what boundaries you need to set, it’s time to communicate them to your colleagues. This is probably the part that most people struggle with, particularly when there are power dynamics involved or prior expectations that people already have. It’s okay if you’ve done something a hundred times before – situations change, and you can too.
It might help to classify the boundaries you set as soft or hard to determine how much wiggle room you want to give. Exceptions can be made for soft boundaries, but not for hard ones. Just be mindful of your communication and try to maintain consistency. It might be awkward at first if your coworkers are used to things as they are, but pretty soon, the boundaries you’ve set will make space for a new normal.
3. Start small
It can be difficult to start suddenly saying no to things you used to do all the time. Starting small makes the process more manageable – instead of promptly leaving at the time you’re supposed to get off every day, start with leaving on time a few times a week or gradually shifting the time up by five minutes every day. Big changes are more difficult for us to make than small ones, but it may be more digestible for both yourself and the people you work with to start small.
Examples of workplace boundaries
Setting boundaries at work doesn’t mean saying no to everyone and everything. It just means *respectfully* taking control of your time, energy, and commitments. Here are some examples of what that might look like:
- Only taking on one or two new projects at a time
- Leaving when your shift is over
- Not responding to emails or work texts after hours
- Skipping after-hour work events
- Completing work tasks only during your scheduled work hours
- Using your time off when you need it and not feeling guilty about taking time off
- Not consistently taking on the work responsibilities of others
- Not working during lunch breaks
- Taking uninterrupted breaks
- Not scheduling meetings after work hours
Setting boundaries at work might be hard, but it’s important for working moms to maintain well-being and achieve a healthy work-life balance. If you’re worried about your career advancement, I understand – we work hard to get where we are, and the thought of jeopardizing that hurts. But the stress and anxiety of trying to do and have it all at the same time hurts too. The boundaries you set don’t have to be drastic – small changes can make a big difference.
