I remember the pit I felt in my stomach the first day I dropped my son off at daycare and went back to work. It felt like I had cut my right arm off and had to go the whole day without it.
That agonizing mix of emotions – guilt, anxiety, worry, fear, heartache – made focusing on my job almost impossible.
He was only 13 months old, a little ball of my own flesh, completely vulnerable and dependent. I cried, a lot.
Nothing quite prepared me for the emotions I would feel on the first day, but I understood that the anxiety was normal. It is totally acceptable to be a nervous wreck when sending our babies off to daycare for the first time.
I did a lot of reading in the months leading up to that first day on how to transition to daycare smoothly. As you can probably imagine, there’s a lot of information out there. Some of it worked for me, and some of it didn’t.
Here are the 7 strategies that were the most helpful when I was transitioning my baby into daycare.
1. Read books about going to daycare and school
Reading books together about new experiences is one way we can help prepare our little ones (and ourselves) for big transitions like going to daycare.
A few weeks before we were scheduled to start, we read a lot of books to help us get used to the idea of daycare and set some expectations.
Even though my son might not have fully understood everything in the books, it offered him some exposure to the classroom environment.
I believe reading books helped him by creating a picture in his mind about daycare and preparing him for what the transition was going to be like.
Our favorites were Bye-Bye Time by Elizabeth Verdick and Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney. These books helped my son deal with separation anxiety and the other difficult emotions associated with transitioning to daycare.
2. Practiced the routine at home before the big day
Practicing the ‘daycare routine’ before the first day was such an important part of preparing my son for transitioning to fullt-time daycare.
He was always one who thrived on routine, and any little change in the daily schedule would throw him off.
Before his first official day, we adjusted his schedule to align with the daycare’s – breakfast, nap time, and snack times all mirrored his class schedule. It helped him know what to expect throughout the day and gave him the sense of consistency he needed at daycare.
3. Spoke about daycare positively
If there’s one thing I’m fairly certain about babies, it’s that they look to us for cues on how to act and who to trust.
They are attuned to our emotions like no one else, and our opinions matter! In addition to reading books and setting up his daily schedule, we also talked positively about daycare and his teachers.
One thing that helped me in this regard was learning about some of the benefits of going to daycare. Knowing about the good things made me feel more positive myself, which in turn translated into positive conversations.
We spoke about how much fun he would have, all the new toys he would get to play with, the crafts he would do, and all the friends he would make.
Facilitating positive talk about daycare was another way to prepare him and make him feel more comfortable about the experience.
4. Acknowledged my son’s emotions
Validating and supporting my son’s emotions is something I try to do with every new experience, and it was a big part of our transition to daycare.
Every time I dropped him off, I told him how I understood that it was a new experience and that he didn’t want me to go, but that I would be back soon and he would have a great time with his friends.
I gave him long hugs and calmly let him know that I would always come back for him.
Eventually, the time I spent doing that got shorter and shorter, and daycare just became a fun place to hang out until I came back. He learned that he could trust his teachers and be okay without me at his side all the time.
It was a slow process, and I was late to work on many occasions, but it was a necessary part of making the transition for us.
5. Gradually transitioned from a few hours to a full day
I took a week off of work to help transition my son into daycare. Did it drain my PTO? Yes. Would it still have worked out if I didn’t take so much time off? Probably. I believe it was worth it to ease us both into the transition.
Over the course of that week, I gradually spent less time and drop-off and came back later for pick-up. By the second week, I was back at work full time and he was off at daycare for the whole day – a full 8 hours.
He wasn’t completely adapted to his new environment, but both it got a lot easier.
6. Gave myself grace for the first month
I’ve often heard that sending our kids to daycare can be a lot harder on us than on them. I don’t know how true that is, but I do know I cried buckets the first few weeks at drop off (in the car, of course).
I would drag myself to work and anxiously await the first picture or update. I’d feel the wave of relief wash over me when I finally got a video of my son, smiling, playing with friends.
And I remember the joy I felt to see his little face when I finally picked him up.
What a roller coaster of emotions that first few weeks of daycare was! But I let myself feel all of it without pressuring myself to get back to ‘being okay.’
I slept a lot, took care of my wellbeing, and let myself take lots of breaks. It’s a wave, and fighting against it is pointless.
We just have to ride through it as best we can.
7. Let my son make his own choices at home
I’ve always been a big advocate for letting my son make his own choices – within reason, of course.
Even before the daycare transition, I allowed him to choose certain things from my own preset options – his clothes, his choice of fruit with breakfast, his shoes.
Nothing crazy, but it absolutely thrilled him to make his own choices. I believed it was important to give him a sense of agency while also encouraging him to grow into his own person.
During the transition to daycare, giving him control over the clothes he wore and the food he ate helped him to feel like he had some say in the process.
Observing and learning his preferences for certain colors and foods was always fun for me, too.
Transitioning to daycare is hard, especially if we’re also going back to work after maternity leave.
It was a difficult phase for us, but it was just that – a phase. The tears were only temporary. Now, my son loves his daycare and his teachers, and I can go to work with peace of mind.
We all all handle it differently and at difference speeds, and that’s okay. It took a few months for us to fully adapt, but we did and you will too. With a little patience and self-compassion, you’ll get through it!