Parental burnout is a very real experience and a very widespread problem, with almost 65% of working parents reporting feeling burned out. Among them, rates are unsurprisingly higher for working moms.
While there’s no shortage of online discussion on the impact of burnout among working moms, the statistics remain alarmingly high. Also recognized as “depleted mother syndrome,” it’s a big problem – yet not much is being done to alleviate it. Until there is large-scale change to better support working moms, recognizing and dealing with burnout is an unfortunate reality for many of us.
Causes Of Burnout Among Working Moms
It’s no surprise that working moms are feeling burnout at such high rates. We work long hours at our jobs and then go home to our second job. Being a mom is a high-stakes, always on, 24/7 role. Being a career-woman is no easier. It’s a constant balancing act with ridiculously high expectations. Here is a little more insight into the reasons working mothers feel so burned out.
Balancing work and family
Juggling between work and family obligations can create chronic stress and anxiety, leading to burnout. There is pressure at work to deliver results and complete work-related tasks on set deadlines, leading to time away from family and high rates of maternal guilt. On the other hand, motherhood has its own demands – attendance at school or daycare events, frequent time off due to illness or medical appointments, responding to unexpected crises, keeping track of and coordinating schedules, and constant engagement and investment into teaching and raising our kids. This balancing act often leaves us feeling emotionally drained and with little time for self-care.
Unrealistic social expectations
Outdated societal expectations of working mothers continue to persist into modern times. We are expected to return to life after childbirth as if nothing has changed with little to no preparation. We are praised for and encouraged to be selfless, to cater to everyone’s needs without complaint, while at the same time neglecting our own. We are expected to manage work and family commitments with effortless grace, and look good while doing it. There’s a lot of pressure on working mothers to be everything to everyone all the time. Unsurprisingly, trying to meet those expectations leads to emotional, physical, and mental burnout.
Unequal division of labor
Although this does seem to be improving (at a painfully slow rate), moms continue to be the go-to parent when it comes to childcare, coordinating, and household tasks. The automatic assignment of household and childcare responsibilities to moms has significant consequences on our well-being and relationships; it builds resentment towards our partners, contributes to relationship conflict, affects our interactions with our children, and can lead to burnout.
Sleep deprivation
It’s pretty well-known that a good night’s rest makes us better at regulating our emotions and coping with stress. Conversely, not getting enough sleep makes us anxious, distracted, and more likely to experience depression and burnout. Not great news for working moms of young toddlers or babies who wake frequently during the night, or for those of us who try to stay up later in an attempt to ‘get everything done’.
Lack of support in the workplace
In many work environments, working moms often have to deal with inflexible hours, unsupportive policies, and workplace discrimination. Almost every one of us has felt the sting of silent judgment from a colleague or manager if we had to leave work early or call off because of family responsibilities.
Financial strain
The cost of sending my son to daycare is more than my current mortgage. I’m not even sure where to begin on that issue. Add to that the effects of inflation on everyday purchases like groceries, diapers, and gas, and the financial strain takes its toll. I know I’m not the only one experiencing it; a majority of working mothers say that finances are a significant cause of stress.
It’s easy to understand why working moms are so burned out. Between managing all these challenges, we often don’t have enough time to fit in personal or self-care activities. And I’ll be honest – even when I do have the time, I’m so drained that there’s little motivation to do anything except rot on the couch… but then I feel guilty for being ‘unproductive.’ Eventually, the pressure builds up and we’re left overwhelmed and exhausted.
How To Manage Working Mom Burnout
While there’s not much most of us can realistically change about social expectations, the economy, or workplace cultures, there are some things we can do in our own lives to help reduce burnout. These include:
Recognizing the signs
When we are able to recognize the signs leading to mom burnout, we can intervene before the rock starts rolling downhill. If ignored, mild issues can develop into more serious problems like depression and changes to your physical health. If you’re starting to feel these changes in your mood, behavior, or body, it’s best to take action early:
- Chronic fatigue going beyond “just feeling tired”
- Physical effects like headaches and pain
- Reduced immunity, getting sick more often, and having a harder time bouncing back from illness
- Persistent irritability
- Changes in appetite or sleep
- Guilt for not being to do things ‘effectively’
- Feeling emotionally detached from your job, your family, and your friends
Practicing micro-moments of self-care
Self-care matters. The problem is that most working moms don’t have huge chunks of time at our disposal in the day. One solution is to take 5-10 minutes of micro-wellness breaks when you can. Here’s some examples of what incorporating little micro-wellness moments into your day might look like:
- Taking 5 minutes out of your lunch break to meditate, walk, or stretch
- Waking up 10 minutes earlier to practice gratitude or mindfulness in the morning
- Listening to a meditation while in the shower
- Taking 10 minutes at night to journal or self-reflect
- Upgrading your daily routine with daily self-care items
Getting as much sleep as you can
For working moms, getting 7-9 hours of sleep every night might be a bit unrealistic, especially if you have young kids. But sleep is such an important regulator of our emotions and mood that we really should try to get more of it. The goal is to get as much sleep as you reasonably can:
- Limit phone scrolling at night (read more about the effects of blue light from screens here)
- Practice good sleep hygiene
- Set a bedtime and stick to it as many days out of the week as possible
- Consider sleep training for younger children who won’t sleep through the night
- If its an option, communicate with your partner on alternating nights or shifts if dealing with overnight wake-ups
Getting help with daily tasks
Burnout is not a badge of honor – you do not need to be able to do everything on your own to be a good mom. Consider getting help with some of your to-do list if you have the means. This can include both paid help like a housekeeper or babysitter as well as assistance from a partner, family, or friends. Delegating tasks can be immensely helpful, particularly if you are bearing the brunt of childcare and household responsibilities.
Setting boundaries and saying no
It’s pretty understandable that people who don’t share the same experiences you do have a harder time empathizing with those experiences. People will ask you to do things that may seem reasonable to them, not really understanding the challenges associated with being a working mom. That’s okay. It’s not in your control to make others understand. But here’s what you can control – your time, your space, and your energy. Setting boundaries at work and with others in your circle is important for your emotional health and preventing burnout.
Connecting with other moms
There’s no one who can quite understand what you’re going through and validate your experiences like another working mom. Look for local groups online or on social media, or spend some time connecting with the other working moms in your office.
Taking time off
Take advantage of any opportunity you have that allows you to take time off from work or parenting. If you have family around that you’re comfortable leaving your kids with, go do something for yourself – get a massage, go to the salon, have a date night with your partner, or catch up with friends. If you have time off at work that you don’t have plans to use, schedule regular planned days off to rest and relax. There is nothing wrong with taking the kids to school and having a day off for yourself.
Talking to a professional
If you don’t feel comfortable attempting to manage burnout on your own, consider getting help from a professional. Although this is often the case, talking to a mental health professional or wellness coach specializing in working mom issues doesn’t have to be a last resort. You can reach out to these experts at any time in your motherhood journey for sound and science-backed advice on managing your mental and emotional health.
Burnout is a pretty common experience among working moms, and for many valid reasons. There are high societal and workplace expectations placed on us every day, leaving us stressed out and with little time and energy for ourselves as we constantly try to measure up to the hype. Chronically, that stress can lead to burnout. Recognizing when we are burned out and taking the steps we can to alleviate it are key to our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
