The holidays can be a joyous time, but let’s be real – it’s not all silver bells. As working moms, we already deal with stress on a daily basis, but the added demands of the holiday season can sometimes tip the scales a little too far. Even at baseline we’re already dealing with high levels of depression, making us particularly susceptible to holiday depression or the holiday blues.
Feeling depressed during the holidays? You might have the holiday blues.
If you’re feeling extra sad, anxious, stressed out, or depressed during the holiday season, it might be a sign that you’re experiencing the holiday blues. These feelings are temporary, usually lasting from about November until shortly after the new year, and anyone can experience them – even kids.
It can be rather conflicting. You feel like you should be happy, yet you can’t ignore the fact that you’re sad. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Many people experience these emotions, especially moms who often bear most of the burden of holiday planning and executing. Even when we’re not leading the charge, we feel obligated to get involved.
Some of the signs that you might be dealing with the holiday blues include:
- Difficulty concentrating.
- Feeling anxious or overwhelmed.
- Frustration and irritability.
- Feeling overly tired or fatigued.
- Changes in sleeping or eating habits.
- Feeling guilt or a sense of worthlessness.
What causes these changes, and why do they seem to pop up especially during the holiday season?
Many things can trigger feelings of sadness and anxiety during the holidays.
With all the increased demands, deadlines, and expectations that arise as the season approaches, it’s not surprising that many working moms feel depressed. Everyone has different demands, and we often feel obligated to meet them all. There are more daycare and school events to keep track of, more work deadlines to meet, and more family activities we’re expected to participate in. As we rapidly shift our attention between different tasks and changing circumstances, our brains go into overdrive and we can end up feeling overwhelmed.
The anticipation of social gatherings can be stressful, especially if you dread talking about politics or diving into sensitive topics (which seems to be a holiday sport for some). Get ready to politely smile and nod while you listen to unrealistic parenting advice and unwarranted commentary on your personal life. If you’re hosting, you might feel the pressure to impress your guests. If you’re planning on driving to another state, that’s stressful too. New introductions, uncomfortable family dynamics, and inevitable awkward scenarios can contribute to feelings of anxiety. If you’re an introvert like me, the dramatic increase in social interactions may also leave you feeling emotionally drained.
Financial concerns can be a major source of stress during the holidays, especially with the increased strain we’ve all felt on our wallets this year. Despite things being more expensive than ever, the pressure to spend remains the same – we want to buy the perfect gifts, have the most dazzling decorations on the block, and throw the best holiday parties. Of course, we still have the usual expenses to manage – buying groceries, filling up the gas tank, and making those childcare payments ON TIME. All that credit card swiping can be stressful.
You might feel a sense of loss during the holidays. For those who have lost loved ones or can’t be with them for other reasons, this can be a very difficult time. As everyone around you celebrates with their friends and family, it can be hard not to think about the ones you are missing.
Societal pressure can be overwhelming – there is an expectation of what things should look like, how you should act, and what you should do.You’re expected to put on a cheery demeanor regardless of how you feel. When you’re already emotionally drained, the added pressure to put on a happy face can make you feel even worse.
There is naturally less sunlight at this time of year, which can lead to feelings of depression and sadness. A similar condition known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD) presents with the same symptoms, but holiday blues are distinct from SAD. Holiday blues are temporary, starting around November and lasting until after the new year starts, but SAD lasts longer – from late fall or early winter to spring or summer. SAD is generally more severe and can be debilitating.
Changes in diet, excessive consumption of unhealthy foods, and drinking alcohol – which are all considered pretty normal behaviors during the holiday season – can actually trigger feelings of anxiety as we deviate from our normal routines. In particular, alcohol may intensify negative emotions.
Lack of sleep is a big contributor to increased stress and anxiety at any time of year really, but it tends to be more evident during the holiday season. We often end up going to sleep later or getting up earlier – or both – just to have enough time in the day to finish everything.
Some of us may also feel a sense of regret or failure as the year comes to an end. We may be unnecessarily hard on ourselves if we feel like we haven’t accomplished specific goals or met certain milestones we set for ourselves.
There are things you can do to help manage the mental load.
The holiday blues are temporary, but that doesn’t mean you should just ignore those feelings. There are many ways to make the holidays less stressful and minimize their emotional impact.
Stick to your normal routine as much as you can. Having a somewhat predictable routine keeps us grounded and gives us some control over the day, which can offer a little comfort in the midst of the chaos.
Take care of your wellbeing and practice self care when you can. This means getting adequate sleep, doing intentional self care, and exercising whenever possible. Engage in activities that promote relaxation and positivity, like meditation or gratitude practices.
Eat and drink in moderation, especially alcohol (which can exacerbate feelings of depression). I know those holiday parties can be a time to let loose for once, but try to go easy on that open bar to minimize post-party guilt.
Don’t set expectations too high. Be realistic in what you plan to accomplish and keep things simple when possible. Set achievable time frames for the tasks on your to-do list, and check your calendar to see when you can complete them. Setting unrealistic expectations, and subsequently not being able to meet them, can lead to feelings of failure and guilt.
Set a budget to avoid overspending – and stick with it as much as you can. Create a document or note with your available finances and how much you’re willing to spend this season. Most importantly, track how much you’re spending so you don’t accidentally go overboard.
Utilize social support when needed and try not to isolate yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Share your feelings with other working moms, trusted friends, family members, or a partner to help lighten the load. If needed, consult a professional mental health provider.
Set boundaries. Don’t feel the need to say “yes” to everyone else’s demands all the time – you spend pretty much all year doing that anyway! If you can’t attend every party, do every errand, or buy everything off everyone’s wishlist, that’s okay. It’s fine – and healthy – to acknowledge that your plate is full and to ask for someone else to take the lead for a while.
The holidays can be magical, but also stressful. Increased demands, high social expectations, and less opportunity for self care are just some of the reasons that people experience increased stress during the holidays. Luckily, there are some strategies you can use to make things feel a little less overwhelming. Remember that you are already doing a fantastic job, and this is only temporary; this too shall soon pass.
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